(no subject)

I'm not doing well.

Health wise, I'm fine. But I'm exhausted, I'm anxious, I'm depressed....

Worse than all that, I'm crabby. I snap at people. I surl. I snark. I'm just not fun to be around.

I was on the road for the Academy for twelve hours yesterday, then out birthdaying with friends (it was one of their birthdays, not mine) until after midnight. But I didn't go to sleep until after three, and then up by seven.

Note, I didn't say I couldn't sleep. I said I didn't sleep. I clearly didn't want to.

Between not much wanting to move (I have a gout attack in my knee right now) and having work to catch up with, I was at my desk from 8 in the morning to about 9:45 at night, inclusive. I don't think I even took a bathroom break -- though I did go through unproductive waves during the day. I am truly, deeply worn to the bone, anxious, nervous...

But not asleep. My eyes are half-mast, but I don't want to sleep.

I don't want to sleep. I don't want to wake up. I don't want to leave the apartment. I just want to exist here.

I'm just not doing well.