demiurgent (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
demiurgent) wrote2003-04-22 12:05 pm
demiurgent) wrote2003-04-22 12:05 pm
The rant of sick.
This isn't a cry for help. This isn't the pit of despair. This isn't anything but what it is.
I can't take this any more. I'm ready to just die already. I'm sick of nausea. I'm sick of chemicals. I'm sick of odd fatigue. I'm sick of wondering every time I run out of breath if this is it, if it's back and the game's over. I'm sick of calling my doctor every week. I'm sick of waiting for surgery details that will never come. I'm sick of the drain. I'm sick of the exhaustion. I'm sick of the pain in my knees and back and feet. I'm sick of seeing what I've become when I look in the mirror. I'm sick of needing special treatment. I'm sick of needing, period.
When do you just say 'enough?' When is it noble to struggle and when is it noble to walk out onto the ice, sit and wait? When does nobility give way to pathos? To bathos?
I don't know. I just don't know.
Oh, and another freaking iPod's died on me. Just to add a little zeugma to this thing.
I can't take this any more. I'm ready to just die already. I'm sick of nausea. I'm sick of chemicals. I'm sick of odd fatigue. I'm sick of wondering every time I run out of breath if this is it, if it's back and the game's over. I'm sick of calling my doctor every week. I'm sick of waiting for surgery details that will never come. I'm sick of the drain. I'm sick of the exhaustion. I'm sick of the pain in my knees and back and feet. I'm sick of seeing what I've become when I look in the mirror. I'm sick of needing special treatment. I'm sick of needing, period.
When do you just say 'enough?' When is it noble to struggle and when is it noble to walk out onto the ice, sit and wait? When does nobility give way to pathos? To bathos?
I don't know. I just don't know.
Oh, and another freaking iPod's died on me. Just to add a little zeugma to this thing.
Re: You can't die yet.
I spend quite a bit of time pissed off or miserable at this point. And we've always approached this stuff as a team effort, not a single doctor's word. I've got the Cardiologist in 10 days as well, and will try and unload some of this on him too.
Thank you, as always, Princess B.
Re: You can't die yet.
I won't shop for your funeral. I'll show up at the damned thing naked.
And you'll be somewhere, floating around, tyring like all hell to claw your way back into your body, just so you can't shut your eyes away from the sight!
So THERE, Mr. Man! Dare me. Go ahead! DARE ME, BRUTHA!
Re: You can't die yet.
(Anonymous) 2003-04-23 03:41 am (UTC)(link)I'll be at the funeral, and I don't need to have my eyes seared out. :^)))
Mr. Bankert