Alton Brown and In Nomine: I clearly want to be sued.

[demiurgent]

By nature, I try to avoid what -- despite several close friends among the Clan of the Wolf, clear efforts on their part to shed this image, and well thought out and extremely well written games and supplements over the last couple of years -- I call Whitewolfism in my In Nomine writings. I hate taking perfectly good humans and human events and either making the principal people Celestials or making the whole event Celestially driven.

Still, occasionally something slaps you in the face until you acknowledge it. And sometimes, that something isn't a saintly person you just have to make an Angel or such a righteously cool blues player that you make his guitar case an artifact on a par with the Holy Grail in a canon supplement. Sometimes, you see someone's TV show, get to know him, get to appreciate him, enjoy his work, find yourself obsessed with him, and bump your favorite shows from your Tivo's to-do list to see more of him.

In short, sometimes you discover a perfectly good human makes a better Impudite. And sometimes you think that with a little grit and gumption, a few rules, and the ever present danger of being sued for defamation of character, you will write him up for In Nomine.

And you discover as you do it that you can even turn the contrast way down, because this Impudite could clearly work in a game where Demons are unremittingly evil, a game where everything's a shade of grey and you're never sure which side's the right one, or even a bright Reverse In Nomine game where Heaven's the bad guys and the folks downstairs just want to have fun. This Impudite bends and adapts as you need him and snaps back without loss. And if he goes down a little tough in your otherwise Bright, High Contrast game, you'll find that like a pinch of kosher salt in hot chocolate, he actually brings the overall flavor of your game out no matter what you're doing. And while no combat monster, he's a powerful Word-bound with a Knighthood and enough Word forces to be dangerous to almost any party of do-gooders.

I guess what I'm saying is, whether he's a Food TV icon or a soul sucking demon with a dark agenda, Alton Brown is Good Gamage.

Altibrun
Impudite Knight of Banquets
Demon of Good Eats
Corporeal: 3 Str- 4 Agl- 8
Ethereal: 6 Int- 12 Pre-12
Celestial: 5 Will- 10 Per- 10
12 Word Forces

Vessel: Quirky, handsome, snarky cooking show host(as seen at http://www.altonbrown.com/ )/5

Role: Alton Brown, Television Cook/6 Charisma+2 (Geek Cool), Status/4

Skills: Artistry/5 (Cooking), Artistry/3 (Television Writing/Producing), Chemistry/6, Computer Operation/2, Dodge/4, Electronics/4, Emote/2, Engineering/2, Fast Talk/6, Knowledge (Cooking/6, Food Science/5, Physics/4), Language (French/2), Lying/3, Medicine/2, Savoir-Faire/5, Seduction/2

Songs: Charm (Ethereal/2, Celestial/2), Entropy (Corporeal/1 -- "Television Time!"), Fangs/2, Healing (Corporeal/2)

Artifacts: Reliquary/4 (Salt Celler)

Attunements: Impudite of Gluttony, Lilim of Gluttony, Impudite of Dark Humor, Impudite of Technology, Consume, Devour, Knight of Banquets, Demon of Good Eats

Demon of Good Eats: With a successful Will roll, Altibrun can add his Celestial Forces to any Cooking Skill Roll where he is actively trying to improve the flavor and appearance a recipe. These methods will definitely enhance the recipe and will be repeatable, but will never lead to healthier or less fattening recipes.

Rites: Use common household objects and appliances not normally used in cooking to cook, and be able to justify the reasoning behind it; Humiliate a classically trained chef (+2 if the chef is actually from France).


Altibrun began as an Impudite in service to Technology, born in the 1600's. Always having an uncharacteristic appetite coupled with the entirely characteristic Impuditish desire to eat only the best food. As a Technology Servitor, Altibrun began experimenting with food science early and spent much of his spare time applying technology to new problems.

Altibrun's strengths have always included networking, however, and a versatility that made him valuable. He worked closely with Nybbas while the future Prince was still developing the television, for example. And of course he got to know several prominent Gluttons. Vapula was pleased when Altibrun's food research led to several Lilim-arranged deals with Haagenti's servitors and with the Demon Prince of Gluttony himself -- any time a Prince sent resources and captured technology to Vapula in return for recipes and new kinds of food processor, Vapula considers himself ahead on the deal. Altibrun was popular in Shal Mari society, though he didn't stand out to the point of being dangerous.

Hand in hand with Altibrun's food technowizardry and his charm was a wicked sense of humor, however. Unlike many demons who show signs of unwarranted creativity, Altibrun was never considered a risk for Redemption by the Game -- he enjoyed a good, cruel joke too much. Besides, any Impudite who seemed equally at home among Kobalites, Haagentians, Vapulans and the Media might be many things, but he wasn't a traitor. As a result, Altibrun made friends and allies, and built his power base carefully. No matter how he appeared, he had ambition. He knew how to grow his abilities carefully and make friends, collecting the Impudite of Gluttony and Impudite of Dark Humor attunements and growing his Forces and allies.

As with many demons, his life was changed forever when Lucifer finally appeared to him. Intrigued by Altibrun's use of ceramic pots (stolen from Novalian gardeners) to cook ham evenly and improve the flavor, while soaking the ham in Doctor Pepper to give it that special something, Lucifer stayed long enough to enjoy the meal. He then asked Altibrun what boon he might like.

Altibrun pushed his horn-rimmed Relic glasses up onto the bridge of his nose, thinking about it. "I want to make and eat the best meals ever cooked," he said. "Food that makes people stand up and demand flavor, no matter the cost. Pies that drive marriages apart. Bacon so good it makes people buy sides of ham, smoke the things themselves, and then gorge themselves helplessly until they're lumps of meat on their couch desperately trying to reach the plate."

"You want to be a gourmet chef," Lucifer asked.

"Respectfully, no. There are too many of them already. I just want to make good *eats.* Basic food made better and to Hell with calories, concerns or the proper way."

Lucifer smiled, enjoying the image and the colloquialism. It was an amusing blending of Gluttony and Technology. And, being amused in a good way, he granted Altibrun the Word of Good Eats and left.

Vapula was pleased that Altibrun got a Word and intended to use it to improve technology, but frankly saw no way that Altibrun would be useful in his long term plans. Haagenti, in the meantime, became upset that a Word clearly under his domain was now in Vapulan hands. Altibrun used every ounce of charm and persuasion he had to convince the Princes that it made more sense for him to enter Haagenti's service, but continue to send progress reports to Vapula as he developed new kitchen technologies. This satisfied everyone, particularly Haagenti, who frankly had never thought about the science behind cooking.

Altibrun alternated between Shal Mari, where his dishes kept his masters happy, and Earth, where he continued his education. Then, watching television one day, he realized that there wasn't a cooking show that catered to his tastes. Sketching out the possibilities, he realized that such a show could meet everyone's demands. The kind of guys who love DIY and tools would enjoy any cooking show that recommended arc welding gloves, dremmels and homemade flamethrowers as part of the process. That would draw an audience -- which meant he could probably sell it to his old friends in the Media. It would also encourage wild kitchen experimentation, which would promote Technology. It would focus on the flavor and appearance of food, with liberal amounts of butter, fat, and barrels of kosher salt. That would make Gluttony very happy. And as for Altibrun himself? Hey -- what better way to spread the word about... well, his Word.

Managing to talk the right Media servitors into it was easy. His Boss liked the idea of a show that might draw in a new audience for Gluttony, especially when "Alton Brown" used science to explain just how fat molecules coated foods in good ways, making even concerted dieters eat fried food again. Vapula liked any show that featured the conversion of three lockers into a smokehouse for a side of bacon or the specific purchase of dry ice to freeze strawberries. And Alton? Alton liked the exposure, the shows, the cooking, and the sweet sweet promotion of his Word.

In fact, he was successful enough that he got a Knighthood, and his Word forces couldn't be better. He's even taken the time to start building up the ultimate kitchen multitasker -- an artifact so profound that whisks, measuring spoons, and even oven mitts would soon be a thing of the past--

Well, but that's another post. For now, be content with our man Altibrun. His following is growing and obsessive, his recipes are tasty and popular, half the Angels who suspect he's a Celestial think he's a Creationer angel, and he's systematically returning food to the Gluttons and taking it away from people with piddling concerns about health and survival.

In short, he's Good Gamage. See you next time.