You take victory when it arrives
Jan. 6th, 2005 01:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
demiurgentSo, for those who didn't follow this journal last year -- because, well, most of you had never heard of me -- I had a gastric bypass last March. I was... large. What the jokes would call "Oh my god, he's coming right at us." And I was dying -- sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but the end was near.
I've lost a lot of weight since then, and I'm still losing. I now climb flights of stairs for daily exercise, when before I had to take an elevator to go one floor, for example. But there was one area I was still terrified in.
Frankly, ice scares the hell out of me.
When I was at my top weight, slipping and falling on the ice was horrible. First, there was the fall itself -- a jarring impact that caused every joint to hurt and scared me on the way down that I'd break many, many bones. But that was just the start. You see, after that, I had to get back up.
And, if I fell where there was nothing to brace on, I couldn't.
I literally couldn't go from lying on the ground to standing up. I could get my legs under me, but they then couldn't dead-lift me back into standing position. So I'd have to either get help, or crawl to a tree or staircase or something.
It was humiliating. I remember once, last winter... I fell in the middle of the quad, on a snowy day. There was hidden ice, you see. It was the beginning of winter break, so there was no one on campus right then. And I couldn't stand. Finally, I started the long crawl across the quad back to the academic building so I could get up.
A teacher -- a nice guy -- saw me, realized something was wrong, and ran out to help me. And that was great of him, and excruciatingly embarrassing. I was helpless. I felt worthless. I felt like Darwin was standing over me, waiting with his chainsaw and smirking. I didn't deserve to live.
Well. That was then. I've lost over a hundred and twenty pounds since then. I now climb stairs willingly.
But I'm still scared to death of the ice.
Today it's snowing, and it was freezing rain before. And I was walking -- you guessed it -- across the quad. There were students everywhere, though. Which would actually be worse, if you think about it.
Naturally, I fell.
The first thing I thought as I hit the ground was oh Shit!
The second thing I thought, about a second later, was wait... that didn't hurt.
It didn't. At all. So, I shifted position, got my legs under me, thought "well, I guess we find out now, don't we?"
And stood.
I didn't strain. I didn't fight. I just popped right up, picked up the bag I'd been carrying, and kept on my way.
As I got close to the school, a student fell in front of me. I helped him up, asking if he was all right.
"I'm fine," he said, grinning and shaking his head. "Just embarrassed."
"Don't worry about it," I said. "I did the same thing a couple of minutes ago."
Take that, Darwin.
Toto Dies - Nellie McKay - Get Away from Me
I've lost a lot of weight since then, and I'm still losing. I now climb flights of stairs for daily exercise, when before I had to take an elevator to go one floor, for example. But there was one area I was still terrified in.
Frankly, ice scares the hell out of me.
When I was at my top weight, slipping and falling on the ice was horrible. First, there was the fall itself -- a jarring impact that caused every joint to hurt and scared me on the way down that I'd break many, many bones. But that was just the start. You see, after that, I had to get back up.
And, if I fell where there was nothing to brace on, I couldn't.
I literally couldn't go from lying on the ground to standing up. I could get my legs under me, but they then couldn't dead-lift me back into standing position. So I'd have to either get help, or crawl to a tree or staircase or something.
It was humiliating. I remember once, last winter... I fell in the middle of the quad, on a snowy day. There was hidden ice, you see. It was the beginning of winter break, so there was no one on campus right then. And I couldn't stand. Finally, I started the long crawl across the quad back to the academic building so I could get up.
A teacher -- a nice guy -- saw me, realized something was wrong, and ran out to help me. And that was great of him, and excruciatingly embarrassing. I was helpless. I felt worthless. I felt like Darwin was standing over me, waiting with his chainsaw and smirking. I didn't deserve to live.
Well. That was then. I've lost over a hundred and twenty pounds since then. I now climb stairs willingly.
But I'm still scared to death of the ice.
Today it's snowing, and it was freezing rain before. And I was walking -- you guessed it -- across the quad. There were students everywhere, though. Which would actually be worse, if you think about it.
Naturally, I fell.
The first thing I thought as I hit the ground was oh Shit!
The second thing I thought, about a second later, was wait... that didn't hurt.
It didn't. At all. So, I shifted position, got my legs under me, thought "well, I guess we find out now, don't we?"
And stood.
I didn't strain. I didn't fight. I just popped right up, picked up the bag I'd been carrying, and kept on my way.
As I got close to the school, a student fell in front of me. I helped him up, asking if he was all right.
"I'm fine," he said, grinning and shaking his head. "Just embarrassed."
"Don't worry about it," I said. "I did the same thing a couple of minutes ago."
Take that, Darwin.
Toto Dies - Nellie McKay - Get Away from Me![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 06:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 06:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:03 pm (UTC)After all, there's also In Nomine ;).
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:21 pm (UTC)And I do remember that post, and this one now... I swear, it makes me want to hug you and cheer. Because, darnit, that deserves congratulations. You made it, with sweat and stubbornness, to that moment.
So I'll cheer, if you don't mind. *grin*
And darned if you don't tell it well, with a wonderful twist of words. O;>
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:38 pm (UTC)And someday soon, you will be like me, and take running starts at ice patches to enjoy a deliberate skid!
Or maybe not. I'm weird.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 06:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 06:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 06:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 06:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 06:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 06:52 pm (UTC)I was so happy for you a year ago, but I'm even happier for you today. I love that you've made such a turn around in your life. Hugs.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 06:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 06:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:14 pm (UTC)Although I confess, I'm average-with-minor-pudge and I STILL fear falling on ice. I hate the sickening OHGODDOWNWEGO lurch, the smack, the take-stock-of-anatomical-intactitude. I can't imagine what it'd be like to have all that and more, and I'm very glad you've done so well!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:20 pm (UTC)I am so incredibly proud of you, and honoured to call you Kin.
And, like some others here, I teared up when I read your post. I'm really proud of you, m'dear. ::HUGS::
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 09:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 07:50 pm (UTC)Ice scares me too, usually under the snow on my front steps halfway down.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 08:11 pm (UTC)Yay!
Date: 2005-01-06 08:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 08:41 pm (UTC)-The Gneech
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 08:44 pm (UTC)I'm not to 313 yet.
But I'm within sight of it. ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 08:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 08:50 pm (UTC)-TG
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 08:53 pm (UTC)You go, mang.
CU
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 09:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 09:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 11:12 pm (UTC)In awe. simply,in awe.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 11:55 pm (UTC)If you can hear, I'm pounding the beat of "Iron Man" on the wall for you.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-07 12:16 am (UTC)Hey Hey great!
Date: 2005-01-07 12:40 am (UTC)the L0N
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-07 03:45 am (UTC)Any triumph is a good triumph. You deserve your moment of pride.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-07 03:58 am (UTC)And... congratulations. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-07 05:50 am (UTC)Congratulations on dropping all that weight, man, and godspeed. People almost always treats it like a joke, but even dropping something like 10 pounds is very hard. It's no fun being on a diet, it's like being the most horribly deprived junkie. You feel the salt withdrawal, and the carbs withdrawal, and the sugar withdrawal, and who knows what else. You feel weak and light-headed, and you can't even turn on the TV, because everything shouts at you to eat. It turns you crazy! I remember I was on a diet once, and I looked at some garbage -I think it was half-eaten pizza, a week old- and I started salivating. How pathetic is that? Very. I was probably on the verge of hunting stray cats and eating them raw.
Fortunately, salads are wonderful. Salads are wonderful. Salads are wonderful.
Also, auto-hypnosis rules.
Maritza
CRFH.net
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-07 07:19 am (UTC)Being that overweight sucks in an amazing variety of ways. From the simple facts of falling on the ice to having to pay close attention to the furniture you're sitting on. And then you add on to that everyone who thinks you're just lazy or incompetent for getting that way in the first place. I think, in some ways, it's almost something that has to be understood by someone who's truly 'been there'.
I had mine done just over six years ago, and while I don't regret it one bit, I've not been as successful long term as I would have liked. It's easy to fall back into old habits even with the restrictions the operation gives. Either way, it's always a good thing to hear of someone with a success story.
Congratulations.
very inspirational
Date: 2005-01-07 03:35 pm (UTC)My girlfriends and I started a work out/diet/get healthy program as our new years resolution, and it’s not much fun. But you made me feel like I can do it. Like I might be able to drop the extra 60 lbs I have been carrying for about seven years.
And you gave me hope that my girlfriends can do it too, as they have more weight to loose than me.
I guess I just wanted to say THANK YOU!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-08 05:28 pm (UTC)Congratulations, my dear.
Ice
Date: 2005-01-10 02:30 pm (UTC)Anyway, thank you for writing these things down. It's interesting to see how other people feel about these things.
/Per (strangeweather @ gmail.com)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-17 07:24 pm (UTC)Congratulations!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-21 03:21 am (UTC)Don't feel so bad, I live in the artic region of Minneapolis and I don't like snow or ice. Everytime I step off the front steps of my apartment building, I wonder "is the time I'll slip and fall?" It's not a good feeling either way.
Susan