Oddities of the maturation process
Jan. 24th, 2005 11:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Somewhere along the line, I started to become a prude.
I don't know when it happened, and it doesn't apply to other people. I'm a huge proponent of 'live your life as you choose.' I think sexual self-expression is something each person decides for themselves, and unless said people show up on your doorstep in saran wrap carrying a whip and asking to use your candles, it's crass and mean to inflict your views of what's appropriate on them. I think the idea that the FCC took Janet Jackson's enpierced breast as a call to arms while cheerfully accepting the greatest consolidation and attempted deregulation of media oversight in history is the saddest media story of the last year.
But for me, personally, somewhere along the line I became a prude.
There's a time in your life when sex is its own justification. It's exciting. You yearn for it. When you get it, you strut a little. You get smug with it, you get forlorn without it. It defines your view of the world.
I don't know, maybe it's after a one night stand where you feel vaguely... stupid the next day. Or maybe it comes from body modesty issues. Or maybe it's because as you get older, you get stupider. I don't know.
Over the weekend, at the con, I had a couple of... well, let's call them opportunities. There was a girl I met at a party. She was absolutely beautiful, and I hugely enjoyed talking with her, and she seemed to enjoy talking to me. She wasn't a current reader of Websnark or the like -- it was literally just this woman. And while she might or might not have actually been interested, the potential was there.
At 21... well, at 21 I was involved, so I would have flirted without intent, but I would definitely have flirted. At 27, I would have made overtures for negotiation. This time, I kept myself to 'friendly conversation.' And worked very very hard at keeping my eyes on her eyes. Not the easiest thing, given the costuming one comes to expect at SF convention.
Not too long ago, an intelligent, friendly, cheerful, and (yes) sexy woman I know teased me in electronic communication by saying "don't you wish you'd hit on me when you had the chance?" We bantered a bit after that -- friendly, you know?
But when I was in my twenties, I would have hit on her. Hopefully not too clumsily. I used to be relatively good at romantic flirtation, or so I've been told. (How can you ever know?) This time, though...
I don't know. There was no chance for a relationship -- just like a relationship was darned unlikely with the girl I met at said party over the weekend -- so the opening negotiation didn't even get started.
(Please note -- I'm seriously not saying either of these women would have actually been interested. I'm arrogant, but not deluded. They might have been or they might not have been. This is about me, not them. Which is a terribly male thing to say, isn't it?)
It just seems odd to me. About the only time I really get flirtatious these days are with women who I've either known for a long time (and who generally aren't available in the first place, which makes it a game instead of a negotiation) or responding to banter opened on their side, generally at a low level.
It's not that I've lost interest. I certainly haven't. But it's like...
I don't know. It's like I became a prude somewhere along the line. And I'm not entirely sure how that happened.
I don't know when it happened, and it doesn't apply to other people. I'm a huge proponent of 'live your life as you choose.' I think sexual self-expression is something each person decides for themselves, and unless said people show up on your doorstep in saran wrap carrying a whip and asking to use your candles, it's crass and mean to inflict your views of what's appropriate on them. I think the idea that the FCC took Janet Jackson's enpierced breast as a call to arms while cheerfully accepting the greatest consolidation and attempted deregulation of media oversight in history is the saddest media story of the last year.
But for me, personally, somewhere along the line I became a prude.
There's a time in your life when sex is its own justification. It's exciting. You yearn for it. When you get it, you strut a little. You get smug with it, you get forlorn without it. It defines your view of the world.
I don't know, maybe it's after a one night stand where you feel vaguely... stupid the next day. Or maybe it comes from body modesty issues. Or maybe it's because as you get older, you get stupider. I don't know.
Over the weekend, at the con, I had a couple of... well, let's call them opportunities. There was a girl I met at a party. She was absolutely beautiful, and I hugely enjoyed talking with her, and she seemed to enjoy talking to me. She wasn't a current reader of Websnark or the like -- it was literally just this woman. And while she might or might not have actually been interested, the potential was there.
At 21... well, at 21 I was involved, so I would have flirted without intent, but I would definitely have flirted. At 27, I would have made overtures for negotiation. This time, I kept myself to 'friendly conversation.' And worked very very hard at keeping my eyes on her eyes. Not the easiest thing, given the costuming one comes to expect at SF convention.
Not too long ago, an intelligent, friendly, cheerful, and (yes) sexy woman I know teased me in electronic communication by saying "don't you wish you'd hit on me when you had the chance?" We bantered a bit after that -- friendly, you know?
But when I was in my twenties, I would have hit on her. Hopefully not too clumsily. I used to be relatively good at romantic flirtation, or so I've been told. (How can you ever know?) This time, though...
I don't know. There was no chance for a relationship -- just like a relationship was darned unlikely with the girl I met at said party over the weekend -- so the opening negotiation didn't even get started.
(Please note -- I'm seriously not saying either of these women would have actually been interested. I'm arrogant, but not deluded. They might have been or they might not have been. This is about me, not them. Which is a terribly male thing to say, isn't it?)
It just seems odd to me. About the only time I really get flirtatious these days are with women who I've either known for a long time (and who generally aren't available in the first place, which makes it a game instead of a negotiation) or responding to banter opened on their side, generally at a low level.
It's not that I've lost interest. I certainly haven't. But it's like...
I don't know. It's like I became a prude somewhere along the line. And I'm not entirely sure how that happened.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 04:19 pm (UTC)-TG
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 04:23 pm (UTC)Eurgh. That way lies hand-kissing and stupid-ass hats with feathers on them and dumb tights at ren faires.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 04:25 pm (UTC)-TG
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 04:27 pm (UTC)Some men can wear the hats.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 04:34 pm (UTC)And I've been told I'm quite good at hand kissing. It's eye contact that makes the difference.
(See Weds -- see Weds get skeeved!)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 04:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 01:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 04:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 04:39 pm (UTC)b) *Dumb* tights. Like... shiny pink spandex tights, which isn't period.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:19 pm (UTC)Yes, the "Solid Gold Dancer Lame" look, or the "shiny, shiny superhero tights under a crappy looking doublet" look are frightening things.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 03:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 04:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 01:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 04:23 pm (UTC)In my experience (which is not to say expansive) "relationships" only ever sprung from an established friendship.
But then, I'm probably a prude too. ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 04:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:41 pm (UTC)Pity the women who aren't smart enough to marry you, not the one who is.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 01:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 01:20 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 01:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 02:04 am (UTC)I simply know how much of a pain in the ass I am to live with. ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 02:38 am (UTC)I have cursed three men by living with them. All three have wanted to get rid of me and two have so far. so please my dear friend know that when I say with my whole heart................... the cat is lying.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:19 pm (UTC)Good interpersonal skills are like a four-wheel-drive vehicle - you could use them to great advantage in negotiating the slippery slope in question, but there's still no guarantee that you won't hit a patch of ice and lose control. And wisdom, wisdom is like... I dunno, tire chains maybe? or a good set of antilock brakes? Something like that.
It's possible that I've been thinking too much about my truck this week...
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 05:22 pm (UTC)You have. :)
Back away from the engine, Eric.
Slowly.
CU
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 07:22 pm (UTC)[could also be talking out her ass. *g*]
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 06:27 pm (UTC)Gah. Apologies for talking too much, this is supposed to be Sabre's show. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-24 07:37 pm (UTC)Personally, I think there's *nothing* wrong with being a prude. But then again, well...this is *me*.
Or maybe you get standards that one-night stands don't do anything for anymore.
Personally, if we're talking about open-mindedness, I think that the prude lifestyle should be more endorsed. Mwahaha.
I think I should stop before I get in trouble. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 06:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-26 01:40 am (UTC)Narf.
Re: Oddities of the maturation process
Date: 2005-01-24 08:12 pm (UTC)There's a time in your life when sex is its own justification. It's exciting. You yearn for it. When you get it, you strut a little. You get smug with it, you get forlorn without it. It defines your view of the world.
whoa. big brush there. broad generalizations are for people who can't write nuance. you're not one of those, are you? :)
This is about me, not them. Which is a terribly male thing to say, isn't it?
no. they might be saying the same thing in their LJ's right now. :) of course it's about you. it couldn't be about them, since you're not a mind reader.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 12:31 am (UTC)Though I'm not sure I can think of a better word. Maybe French has some. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 01:31 am (UTC)*hearts* Eric
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 02:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-25 03:23 am (UTC)I'm a prude, too! SUCH a prude. I like it when cameras pan away when people start kissing so I don't have to close my eyes! I do close my eyes when costume malfunctions occur (though that's the extent of my protest)! Oh wait, I'm not a prude, I just overly respect people's privacy, even fictional characters. At least I have my husband to blame for my decorum with other men.
Maybe you're just secretly married, too, and haven't told us, hmm? Don't get married to your job!!! Just cut off your hair and powder your face and wear a stiff corset and say you're married to the church of England or something... No, you won't get labeled a "queen", oh no! ;D