...street date, *shmeet* date.

[demiurgent]

So, I spent the weekend with those who I am required by truth in labeling laws to call my In-Laws. I, the wife and those who conspired to birth her spent some time talking and some time shopping, and we ended up in an independent bookstore.

And while I was there, I saw John Hodgman's new addition toThe Areas of my Expertise, known as More Information Than You Require. As I love the first volume, I rather imprudently elected to purchase this the second one.

The amazing thing, however, is that Hodgman's book, though quite tangible and full of words, has not actually been published yet. According to both the esteemed gentleman's blog and the frontspiece of the book itself, the book will not be published until this coming Tuesday.

One must suspect the simplest and most rational of explanations for this discrepancy, of course. Occam's infamous razor applies. Either poseurs who style themselves hobos (the equally infamous "fauxbos") have infiltrated the bookstore and convinced the management to break street date, lest their terrible vengeance be wreaked, or the Molemen sent the book back in time, in hopes of disrupting the careful planning put into the eventual destruction of their terrible empire.

In either case, the volume is worthy, and its information is being added to my collective consciousness, many hours before most of you. As a result, the information will have more of a chance to mature in my brain, putting me at a net advantage that quite honestly none of you shall be able to match. My survival is therefore assured, when comes the day of the Moleman apocalypse. I will, if I have the opportunity, do what I can on your behalf, but you must understand that my powers will be limited.

Comments

[chanlemur.livejournal.com]

It is a sad thing, but it is likely that you have purchased an incomplete rendering of the text. It is a well-known fact that certain cash-strapped actuarial societies have begun using their formidable pre-cognitive powers to literally steal books from the future, transcribing them word-for-word and publishing them on their own private imprint. Did you purchase this book from a tattooed man? That should serve as a dead giveway. This is all quite an idea, you might say, but I, I know the truth. You see, their blind ambition to bring these future books ("FuBooks", in actuarial lingo) to press has weakened the psychic defenses of some of these actuaries and made them vulnerable to assaults from some of the more puissant mentalists among the Molemen tribes, and, thus, the knowledge that you think you are filling your brain with to -- amongst other things -- defend yourself from the Moleman apocalypse is actually little more than thinly-veiled Moleman propaganda. In reality, you are playing directly into their hands.

Heaven help you, sir. And heaven help Virginia.

[demiurgent.livejournal.com]

Ah, but as you may someday learn, when the book itself is actually published and you have a chance to read it, any potential errors can be easily corrected by the means of standard spleen-based prognostication and soothsaying. Or, of course, by taking the appropriate subway through Grand Central Station.

As for Virginia, one suspects that the odd, occultish rainfalls will -- if not protect them -- distract them from the apocalypse.

Finally, it has come to my attention that rather than being propaganda, this may in fact be a pre-editorial draft of the book. As such, several sections which would simply be too dangerous to fall into the hands of the general public may not appear in the versions you are able to receive or hear. For example, you may not gain the benefits of the nine simple methods of life extension which, when performed on a standard home stage or dais in the proper order, ensures both life everlasting and -- unlike certain sad immortals -- eternal joy.

If this is true, and your eventual copy of the book lacks this, then I promise that on the millennial anniversary of your death, I will lift my quinine rich beverage to the sky, laced with health-granting herbalist approved juniper-berry extract (suspended in alcohol), and toast your memory and your name.

I will remember your name, you see, because I have already learned the foolproof method of remembering a man's name, especially if it is John Hodgman. If your copy of the book has this method on page 362, you will have the unadulterated version with all the wonders within, as I do. However, if it is on page 349, then the molemen have already done their work, and you are doomed.

[miyaa99.livejournal.com]

I'd wouldn't be so worried about the molemen. Besides, it's not like you step into the used book store version of a warez website.

Molewomen, on the other hand a far different subject.

[gwalla.livejournal.com]

Hubba hubba!

[chanlemur.livejournal.com]

Good crikey, I've been out-Hodgman'd.