Meanwhile, millions of years in the past....

[demiurgent]

We leave the whole riddle thing for later. Instead, we view events occuring "trillions of miles away, at the Hall of Doom." Speaking over their Perilous PA system, and with the U.S. Capitol Building on the viewscreen, Luthor addresses the "citizens of the world." (?!) "We have captured your Superfriends," he claims. A bit of an exaggeration, true, but then the guy is a supervillain. "If you ever want to see them again," he orders, "send all of the money from your national treasuries to the World International Airport, care of the Legion of Doom." Yes, that’s an airtight scheme.


Still, doesn’t it suggest a great Jim Carrey movie? Let’s say he’s a salesman who’s down on his luck, having just lost a big contract and his job and hot-but-bitchy girlfriend and is stranded in the World International Airport. However, it turns out his suitcase looks just like the one all the nations of the world use to send all the money from all their national treasuries to the Legion of Doom. Only a mishap occurs—maybe the Legion delegates Toyman to pick up the loot—and Carrey suddenly discovers he’s the owner of all the money from all the nations of the world’s national treasuries. And he goes nuts and buys a whole lot of stuff, like a really expensive car, and when he racks up huge speeding tickets it doesn’t matter because he has all the money from all the nations of the world’s national treasuries to pay the tickets with. And when the Judge, who’s like really old and pompous, says like, "Unless you can pay this court five billion dollars [because of the speeding tickets], I’m sentencing you to twenty years in jail," Jim Carrey would put a rubbery sardonic expression on his face and go, "Oh, rah-heeeeeee-ly?", and he’d pull a wad of billion dollar bills from his pocket (this would be part of the money from all the nations of the world’s national treasuries) and count out the five billion dollars, and then he’d give the busty stenographer in a low-cut blouse another billion dollars and tell her to buy herself something nice, and everyone would be all gaping in astonishment and stuff. Oh, and there’d be a scene where Carry has hired the Rolling Stones or James Brown or somebody to play in his living room. Then his hot ex-girlfriend would try to get back together with him, but we’d know it was only because Carrey now had all the money from all the nations of the world’s national treasuries. So he’d follow her lead and she’d think she was pulling one over on him, and we’d be all worried because we’d also think she was about to pull one over on him, only at the last minute he’d blow her off and she’d fall naked into a gigantic pool full of chocolate pudding he’d have, probably because he always liked chocolate pudding and now could afford to buy as much of it as he’d want, because he’s got all the money from all the nations of the world’s national treasuries. But then the Legion of Doom would learn they’ve got the wrong valise—maybe it’s filled with some wacky product Carrey sold, like whoopee cushions or laxatives or something, and hilarious stuff would happen, like Solomon Grundy would mistakenly eat the laxatives and get really gross-smelling zombie diarrhea—and they’d go after him to reclaim all the money from all the nations of the world’s national treasuries, and Carrey would use the money to constantly escape them in various ways and hilarity would ensue. Like maybe he’d buy the taxi from a Pakistani cab driver—for some crazy amount, like ten billions dollars—and then put on a turban and darken his face with tanning stuff, and Gorilla Grodd would show up just before he could get away and make him drive around looking for Carrey, and we’d be all laughing because Grodd wouldn’t even know Carrey was the guy driving him around in the taxi! And in the end the Legion of Doom would go to jail, and all the nations of all the world would get all the monies from all their national treasuries back, but Carry will have learned a valuable lesson about how you can be happy without money. Oh, but then he’d end up with several million dollars anyway, somehow, so that he would learn the lesson but still have a lot of money. Oh, yeah, and there’d be a sweet poor girl who helped him before he even had the money—maybe when he was depressed in the airport in the beginning of the movie, she gave him her container of chocolate pudding, even though it was all the food she had—and they’d end up together, and anyway she’d actually be hotter than the supposedly hot girlfriend from earlier in the movie.


Anyway, we should get back to the episode before I get off track.

Want more? Jabootu's your hookup. The rest of this review can be found here.

Comments

[harukami]

HEE!

There actually IS a movie like this. XD It's called 'Blank Check', though it doesn't star Jim Carrey.

[(Anonymous)]

We need to either increase or decrease your medication.

I'm not sure which.

Stay near the phone. Do not operate heavy equipment.

We will be in touch.

A.